I made perfect risotto in the microwave, so I guess I can throw my stove away.
Well, as promised, I’M BACK! I know I’m a few months late, but this time I tried to make six main meals in the microwave.
Carbonaro Effect / Via reactiongifs.com
The idea: Literally, microwave some salmon. Of course, so it doesn't dry out, there's a lil' marinade you put on top which is made of olive oil, lime, paprika, salt, and honey. But you just microwave it for at least two to three minutes, depending on how well-done you like your fish, and you've got some super quick cooked salmon.
Did it work: SWEET JESUS, YES. I AM SHOOK TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE.
The results: Hold up, just listen to me first. I know the IDEA of cooking raw fish in a microwave sounds fucking disgusting, and look, it sorta is. It's kinda smelly but so is cooking fish in a pan or in the oven. OK… I think we can all agree that fish is just shit to cook in general. I cooked the salmon for about four minutes and it was soft, flaky, and perfect. No joke, people couldn't believe I microwaved that bad boy. I added some microwave-boiled veg to jazz up the plate and, honestly, Gordon Ramsay, I'll send you my details. Let's chat about my cooking show.
The idea: You're meant to put pre-cooked rice (which is kinda cheating, but oh well) with your veggies in a mug and basically steam them for about a minute. Then you mix the egg, sauces, and spices together and add it to the mug then heat for another minute and a half. You have to let it sit because it's hot AF, but after you fluff it up, you can chow down.
Did it work: Yeah, but I'm not ever making it again.
The results: Y'all know that after testing out the breakfast recipes, I am a real FAN of microwaved eggs. So, naturally, I had to try out this recipe and was certain it would work. It did, it just didn't taste great. But I already knew that from the list of ingredients – cabbage? beans sprouts?? WHERE'S THE CARROT???? THE ONION???? I'm half-Asian, so I was hurt by this, but for the sake of this post, I powered on. Pouring the egg over the other ingredients and microwaving it resulted in a big, ballsack–looking lump of rice. Not even “fluffing” it up and separating it really did much for the looks. It was kinda bland, and I'd probably rather just eat some steamed rice, TBH.
The idea: So you start by creating a dough in the base of your mug using all of your ingredients, except for the sauce, pepperoni, herbs, and cheese. Once your dough is made, you slather it in sauce, sprinkle on the cheese and herbs, then place your pepperoni on top. You're then meant to microwave it for a couple of minutes and it's supposedly ready to eat.
Did it work: HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING NO.
The results: Lmaoooooooo, not to be dramatic, but I'd rather die before eating this again. The taste of raw, pasty dough will forever haunt me and my tastebuds. I knew damn well one and a half minutes was not long enough to cook dough, but the last time I didn't follow a recipe correctly, y'all dragged me. I even cut lil' circles out of salami because we don't have mini pepperoni in Australia. I'm THAT dedicated. Anyway, even after two minutes in the microwave, that shit was still raw. Someone came into the kitchen, saw it on a plate, and asked if the pizza was a baked potato. How embarrassing. Honestly, I feel personally attacked by the one person who asked me to test this recipe out. NEVER AGAIN.
The idea: This was probably the most simple of all the recipes. All you need is three ingredients: water, macaroni, and you guessed it, cheese. You're meant to cook the pasta in the mug and with the remaining water, mix in your cheese, and voila!
Did it work: Yes! If you love bland dishes, look no further.
The results: Look. Was it successful? Yes. Is it the most delicious mac 'n' cheese I've ever eaten? No. I can just tell the person who came up with this recipe probably thinks pepper is too spicy because this had NO seasoning whatsoever. It lacked that good, creamy, cheesy base because it was mixed with water instead of milk. To get it kinda gooey, I would recommend heating the cheese and pasta together even though the recipe doesn't say it's necessary. I love mug meals, so it hurts me to say that a mug is just too damn small a vessel to cleanly mix pasta and cheese together. Cheese, pasta, and water EVERYWHERE. All in all, it was just…fine.
The idea: This recipe required a bit more work than the usual “quick” microwave dish because it had some chopping and multiple bowls involved. You have to dice and boil potatoes, add cooked bacon, cheese, chopped onions, cornflour, stock, and milk before heating it in the microwave for a few minutes.
Did it work: ᵘʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰ kinda?
The results: When I think of soup, particularly potato soup, I think of that good, thick shit. And this was just watery and, well, just not very appetising to look at. The recipe called for cooked bacon which was annoying, but I microwave-cooked some, because I am now a self-appointed Microwave Wizard™. After the suggested three minutes, the soup still looked like water, and even after five minutes it hadn't changed. The taste was ok. It wasn't my cup of tea. In my opinion, soup needs to be cooked on a stove to be done right. If you want some microwave soup just buy some Cup-A-Soup, honestly.
The idea: This recipe actually requires quite a bit of work. You need to sweat your butter and onions together, then add the garlic, rice, and broth. You have to cook the rice in two-minute intervals, adding more broth as needed. Then you add bacon, kale, and mushroom, and cook it until the rice is done. It's pretty time-consuming, but straight-forward enough.
Did it work: YES, THIS IS HONESTLY A MASTERCHEF-WORTHY RISOTTO. I CANNOT.
The results: Now I know you think I'm stupid for even attempting this, and look, I don't blame you because I did, too. I left this recipe for last because no one thought it could be possible. BUT, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, THIS RISOTTO TURNED OUT PERFECT. I DON'T KNOW HOW. I'VE NEVER MADE RISOTTO BEFORE IN MY LIFE. Guys, I can't even begin to explain. It was like wet, but not too wet; had bite, but wasn't crunchy; had flavour, but wasn't overpowering. I had no ramekin so I used a bowl, I cooked the rice for about 10 minutes even though the recipe called for six, and added more broth as needed. It was perfect. This is it. This is my peak in life. I've done it. I AM a microwave master.
So, once again I have been convinced even more to join Team Microwave™. I mean… I’m not going to stop ordering pizza, but, microwave salmon, here I come!
Stay tuned for the final part of this microwave cooking adventure, where I'm going to try to make Pinterest microwave desserts! Let me know what you want me to test next.