You Are Not Incomplete, You Are Evolving

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Dominik Vanyi

If this fell into place, then…
If I could just be more like this, then…
Once I find who I am then…
When I love myself, then…

So many excuses.
So many reasons we are not enough.
So many lies we tell ourselves.

And why? Why is it that we convince ourselves we are unworthy—of happiness, of love, of acceptance? Why do we believe that we have to reach a certain point, be a certain way, gain a certain thing, have a certain level of self-appreciation just to be okay, just to move forward, just to be with someone else, just to live a good life?

Instead of taking chances, we hold ourselves back. We say we’re ‘not at that point yet,’ or that we’re ‘not prepared.’ We convince ourselves there’s something to be afraid of, something that isn’t quite right, and we have to fix that thing before we step forward.

Instead of chasing dreams, we tell ourselves to wait. We believe there’s some point in our future where everything will fall into place and make sense, and then, and only then, can we reach for our dreams.

Instead of falling into people, we tell ourselves we are ‘not ready’ to love. We tell ourselves that we must figure out who we are completely, and love ourselves in totality before getting into a relationship.

But all of that is complete bullsh*t.

Because we’re never going to have it all figured out. We’re never going to reach this point where life totally makes sense, all the stars are aligned and we love every single part of ourselves without fail.

We’re never going to have this ‘perfect moment’ because perfect doesn’t exist.

And that’s why we have to step, to jump, to fall forward into dreams and people and ideas and new paths. Because there isn’t this point of ‘wholeness’ or ‘completeness.’ We are continually progressing and changing and growing and becoming—and instead of letting this hold us back, we must use it to propel us forward.

Instead of thinking that we have to slow down, or wait, or be careful, we have to take chances.

We have to wonder ‘what if’ and actually go for it; we have to try and sometimes fail and then pull ourselves back up and begin again. We have to trust that we’re strong enough to overcome the obstacles, to change the direction of our lives, to be better than we were before.

We have to explore new things and relationships, even if we don’t fully and completely love ourselves, even if we’re scared, even if it might not work out in the end. We have to pursue the things we are passionate about, even if we’re nervous or feel as if we’re not ‘ready,’ or ‘not enough’ yet.

We have to understand that we’re still discovering parts of ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we’re any less whole. We were never, are never incomplete. We are simply evolving.

So please stop thinking you have to be or feel a certain way before you take a job, before you move to a new city, before you kiss someone’s lips, before you pursue a passion that you feel defines you. Please don’t think that you have to be this self-accepting, self-actualized person with no flaws before stepping forward in a direction you want to head.

You’re not going to have it all figured out.
You’re not going to feel perfect, or totally loveable all the time.
You’re not always going to do or say the right thing.
You’re not going to be a perfect, compatible person for everyone you meet.

And that’s okay.

Because you are not a fixed, one-dimensional person. You are not just a bag of bones, shifting pointlessly in the wind. You are wild. You are beautiful. You are timid and bold and bright and tender and a mix of everything in-between.

You are still learning who you are, still learning to accept the world around you, still learning how to love and let light in. You are still learning what it means to trust yourself, to stand proudly, to find your balance in a world that keeps on spinning.

And this will continue to be a challenge as you grow.

A challenge that you’ll embark on, step by step—not to ‘completeness,’ but to acceptance—of your ever-evolving, beautiful mess. TC mark

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